Neesa Sunar
Overcoming Schizophrenia: Neesa Sunar
Neesa experienced a difficult childhood. Living with a volatile and abusive father triggered depression at a young age. From age five, she felt angry and depressed, and remembers how home felt like “jail.” She was also bullied at school for being tall and of mixed-race heritage. Deep-set feelings of hatred would follow her into adulthood.
Fortunately, in first grade, Neesa found a passion she still cherishes today—music. She was privileged to begin violin lessons at an excellent Suzuki school in her neighborhood.
But at age 11, Neesa spiraled into severe depression, and experienced suicidal thoughts by age 12. At this time, she switched to playing viola, and her mother also placed her in private school, hoping she would fit in and have more success. Things did not improve fully. At age 14, she was hospitalized for depression and prescribed Zoloft and Klonopin. She began therapy, which she would continue throughout her life.
At age 15, Neesa began studying music with a violist from the New York Philharmonic. Excelling in music, she found her identity and confidence. She scored A’s in high school and participated in competitive youth orchestras in the NYC area.
For college, Neesa accepted a full scholarship to study viola at Indiana University. At first, Neesa thrived on competition, but socializing was too stressful. Neesa had insight into her mental health struggles and adhered to psychiatric treatment on campus. At that time, she took the medication venlafaxine for depression.
At the end of her junior year, Neesa became involved with an East Indian meditation group. She meditated too intensely, and began experiencing grandiose spiritual thoughts. She lost focus on her musical studies, and her performance declined. She became obsessed with a “shooting energy” throughout her body, which she later understood to be Kundalini Syndrome. Her psychiatrist approved for her to stop taking venlafaxine, and this triggered severe withdrawal.
As a senior at IU, Neesa felt mentally unwell, but she still graduated with a 3.78 GPA and successfully auditioned for a master’s program at IU, which she began in 2007. But her behavior was volatile and she was paranoid about classmates. For winter break, back in NYC, Neesa remembers visiting a pizza shop where she started crying uncontrollably, due to overwhelming spiritual thoughts. A worker called the police, and she was taken to a hospital where she would stay for three weeks, and was started on olanzapine. At that time, her diagnosis was changed from depression to schizoaffective disorder.
Fortunately, Neesa had good insight into her illness and never refused medication or treatment.
Neesa never completed her masters degree at IU.
Back in New York, summer of 2008, Neesa first worked as a hostess at a local deli. But due to constantly missing work, she was soon fired from her job.
Then she started teaching violin lessons at a local store. This inspired her to return to school at Queens College in New York to pursue licensure as a public school music teacher. At this time, she simultaneously taught 10 private students weekly, and worked a stressful job at a private school.
Neesa began to take Abilify, which caused her to gain 90 pounds. Despite taking medication as prescribed, she began having delusions that she was the reincarnation of Beethoven. When sharing this with others, most thought she was joking. She broke down in front of her boss, who drove her to the mental hospital where she stayed for two weeks.
At this time, in 2011, Neesa chose to stop working and go on social security disability. She found she hated living with her mother and wanted independence. She moved into a homeless shelter for two weeks, before she returned home. In 2012, Neesa was hospitalized for her eighth time. She was started on clozapine while continuing to take venlafaxine, and at this time, she chose to stop all musical work.
As Neesa began to recover, she found purpose through being trained and working as a peer support specialist. For six years, on clozapine, her symptoms were in remission, though she struggled with severe sedation and often felt physically sick. Her doctors always discouraged her from working full-time, and they told her graduate school would be impossible. But in 2017, she began to study social work at Hunter College in NYC, and graduated with an MSW degree in 2020.
Following graduation, Neesa still struggled. In 2020, due to side effects, she decided to stop clozapine, which quickly led to another hospitalization where clozapine was restarted. Fortunately, doctors lowered her dosage, which reduced side effects and improved her physical health. In July 2021, she began working as a telehealth therapist under supervision.
In 2023, Neesa received grant writing assignments and was commissioned to ghostwrite a book, a manual for a social services provider. For the first time, she could travel, and she chose to visit Germany. She discovered she could get clozapine refills without bloodwork (as was mandatory in the US). For 10 months, she remained in treatment while in Germany, Spain, Andorra and India. She was treated respectfully and had no problems accessing clozapine.
In 2025, Neesa applied for a PhD program at the University of Salford in the UK, and she was offered a full scholarship with the Leverhulme Trust Aural Diversity Doctoral Research Hub (LAURA). Today, Neesa is celebrating two years at her highest level of recovery.
Today, Neesa thrives on a low dose of clozapine. She is excited about her PhD research: investigating the lived experiences of musicians with auditory aphantasia / anauralia (inability to hear thoughts as actual sound). To ensure her health and continued success, she remains in treatment at an NHS clinic, alongside support from Doromind (a virtual provider in the US).
Neesa welcomes anyone with interest in schizophrenia recovery to contact her at neesa.sunar@proton.me. She anticipates a brighter future, and envisions a world that better understands schizophrenia and the possibility for meaningful recovery.
