马修·拉彻，CRPS

Musician and Peer Specialist: Matthew Racher

我在佛罗里达州南迈阿密长大的早年给我留下了美好的童年回忆。周末我会和附近的孩子们一起玩。一天，一条供水管线破裂并淹没了街道。我和我当地的邻居朋友建造了迷你船和木筏，可以漂浮在停放的汽车旁边。

I went to high school down the street at Gulliver, a college preparatory school with excellent faculty and an array of extracurricular activities. I became heavily involved in musical theatre, casting for lead roles in Grease, Into the Woods, and Once Upon A Mattress. After graduation from high school, I went off to college in Cleveland, Ohio, at Case Western Reserve University in fall 2004. I was interested in studying business and connecting with other like-minded students who had an interest in music.

在本科学习期间，2005 年冬天，我开始明显感到抑郁和焦虑。我开始在课堂上睡觉并熬夜。我变得与社会疏远了。

I remember in my freshman year I auditioned for an on-campus a cappella group as a baritone singer. I was so ecstatic to have been offered a position. But as my depression kicked in, I became less and less interested in singing and all my other musical interests. When my depression started to hit full force, I began to self-medicate with drugs and compulsive gambling. I entered a dark hole: one in which I couldn’t stand to be present in my life. I felt I had to escape by any means possible.

2006年我转学到父母家附近的迈阿密大学，和父母住在一起。当我搬回他们家时，我带走了所有逃避现实的工具，包括大麻和强迫性赌博。毒瘾和赌博成了我最亲密的朋友。我所有的梦想和希望似乎是遥远而遥不可及的微光。

While living with my parents, they noticed I was experiencing a decline in my mental health. I was more isolated than ever, shuttered in with a mind filled with incoherent thoughts. I would sleep all day with the window shades down. I recall a decline in my personal hygiene. My depression had taken over, and I felt as though my life were over, as if I were trapped in an existence that was merely a shell of who I once was.

My parents brought me to see a psychiatrist. I began engaging in psychotherapy two to three times per week. Several medications were prescribed including bupropion, sertraline, and lamotrigine. I started taking the medications, and although they helped for a short while, I would always resort back to old habits and my own ways of escaping reality. I began to mix the marijuana use with the medication and spiraled down even more.

2009 年，当我仍然和父母住在家里并在迈阿密大学当地上课时，我的精神病第一次发作了。我回想起强烈的偏执狂的感觉，这种感觉迫使我不由自主地透过百叶窗往外看。我确信 FedEx 送货司机是 FBI 派到我家的。我记得自己来回走动，思绪万千。我以为世界已经结束了，这是我的错。

My parents noticed that my behavior was off, and we met again with my psychiatrist. He recognized that I was experiencing psychosis and prescribed aripiprazole (Abilify). On this medication, my symptoms started to slowly abate. A year following my psychotic break, I was able to focus more on school, and I graduated from the University of Miami (UM) in May of 2010 with a BA in psychology and a minor in music business. I was only able to graduate from UM because I was adhering to medication and determined to make it through my undergraduate studies.

2010 年，我遭受了毁灭性的损失。我高中时最亲密的朋友自杀身亡。当我听到这个消息时，我的身体和灵魂都感觉像地震一样。我永远不会忘记我坐在自己的房间里，被失去的消息彻底震撼了。不幸的是，这驱使我逃避消极的应对方式，而不是接受哀悼损失的过程。

在继续陷入抑郁和吸食大麻之后，我在 2011 年经历了另一次严重的精神病发作。我记得醒来时感觉一股新发现的能量涌动。我打电话给联系人中的每个人并向他们道歉，让他们知道我有多爱他们。妄想，我记得有一种强烈的内疚感，相信我生命中的每个家庭成员或爱人都受到了我过去所做的每一个决定的负面影响。

Soon after, while acutely psychotic, I ran away down the street, barefoot, as my father chased me. I was taken to the psychiatric hospital in South Miami for nearly three weeks. To this day I still believe that a significant catalyst for my second psychotic break was my avoidance of processing, embracing, and mourning the death of my friend. While in the hospital, I endlessly searched through the dimly lit corridors for my friend who I had lost to suicide.

今天，我很庆幸有保险和资源来支付如此长的住院时间。

After this stay in the hospital, I returned home to what was a long road ahead, a road in which my family and support network tried everything possible to reintegrate me back into a level of connection within my community, and I continued taking Abilify. My parents drove me to doctor’s appointments, peer support groups, and local clubhouse events. My father offered me a job in his office so I could develop and build on work-related skills. My mother drove me to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) meetings and became passionate about volunteering with the Miami-Dade affiliate. She and a few other NAMI members helped revitalize and grow the local chapter into the remarkable organization it is today.

At that time, I also made a friend named Carlos who had similar mental health challenges. Carlos and I discovered our shared love of acoustic rock music and eventually formed a band, known as “FogDog.” To this day, we travel to different communities, spreading the message of hope through original music.

我从未像今天这样对自己的康复感到更加感激。我有一种回馈社区的使命感，正是这个社区让我成长到了现在的位置。

I am currently working as a certified peer specialist and was recently awarded state certification through the Florida Certification Board. I recently graduated with my Master of Social Work degree and look forward to continuing work in the field of mental health and harm reduction counseling. I plan on working toward licensure to support individuals in achieving their mental health and substance abuse recovery goals, especially within the field of early intervention treatment and care for psychosis. I hope to continue my work to improve the reach of sustained community-based mental healthcare.

如果没有药物、家人的支持和 NAMI Miami-Dade，我今天就无法帮助和服务社区中的其他人。

When I look back on my experiences from the dark depths of isolation and despair to the light of hope, support, and connectedness, I can only hope that others find it within themselves to never give up and to know that they are not alone. Only together can we discover the strength to quiet this voice and instill a sense of belonging and purpose.

I hope others can find the support and resources to pave a path towards their own light, purpose, and path of self-discovery and realize that recovery, in the face of pain and adversity, is, in fact, an actualization of our most unique, courageous, and resilient qualities. If we hold onto this path and never give up, our individual stories will serve to guide others.