Lisa Guardiola
Thriving Despite Schizophrenia: Lisa Guardiola
Growing up, I spent most of my youth living with my mother and visiting my father on weekends. Despite their separation, it was a good childhood. I loved music and art from an early age, though I was often teased for my weight. I became self-conscious about my body throughout my high school years.
I remember beginning to hear a single voice during my late teens. I noticed it while I was a junior in high school, often while getting ready for school every morning. Looking back, I never thought anything of it. In fact, it was comforting to me.
My voice has been with me since I was 17 years old. It is like having a conversation with someone I cannot see. It is outside my head and sounds very androgynous. So, I never identified it as male or female, and I have never given it a name. It sounds otherworldly and for a time I thought it may be an alien being or an angel of God.
Following my high school graduation, I pursued my dream to become a hair dresser, enrolling at Pivot Point cosmetology school in the Chicago area near where I grew up. This was a time of great change in my life, as I left my mom’s house and lived with roommates on my own.
It wasn’t until I finally moved into my own apartment seven years later that my voice started to disrupt my life.
After cosmetology school, I worked as an inside sales rep for a cable company call center weekdays and as a receptionist in a hair salon on the weekends. With all of this stress, my voice would become louder than it ever had been before, and for the first time, it also became rude and vulgar.
My voice yelled obscenities at me and told me I was worthless and stupid. It said that I could not trust the world or anyone I came in contact with including my family. Hearing this made me anxious and unable to focus, making it difficult to communicate with friends and family.
I knew that all my calls were being recorded when I worked in the call center, but I could not leave that thought at work. I began to believe that my co-workers and the IT staff were watching me through the television set, and could see everything I was doing on the Internet.
My family knew something was wrong but didn’t know how to help me. I was an adult living on my own. They urged me to see a doctor, but I felt they were against me. I believed that what I was feeling was real and my voice told me I could not trust them, or anyone.
In 2002, due to my low performance at work and my erratic behavior, I was fired from my job at the cable company. I lost my job at the hair salon shortly afterwards.
With no job and my lease coming up, I made the decision to move back in with my mother and stepfather in the south suburbs of Chicago.
For the next six months I really struggled. I thought that if I left my room that something bad was going to happen, and my voice agreed with me. I became suicidal and after an attempt to take my life, my mother had me involuntary committed.
It was during this hospitalization that I was formally diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. But I knew in my bones that wasn’t true.
I refused to take the medication for the first two days I was on the psychiatric ward, but when my mother came to visit me, I began to take the medication. I still didn’t believe that I had schizophrenia, but I wanted to try for my mother.
Upon discharge I was assigned a psychiatrist at a local mental health center. On my first appointment she asked me if I knew anything about schizophrenia. When I replied no, she proceeded to explain to me that schizophrenia is a chronic biological brain disorder that affects the person’s ability to distinguish reality, causing them to have delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized thinking.
She then proceeded to tell me that with the proper medication and therapy I would be able to go back to work, have satisfying relationships, and live a fulfilling life.
The first medication we tried was risperidone. I had very bad side effects from this medication. I felt very tired, fatigued, or drowsy during the day. I gained 90 pounds.
Over the next 3 years I attended a day program and worked with my psychiatrist and therapist to learn reality testing and took my medications. It took some time to find the right medication but once we did my symptoms began to decrease. They didn’t go away completely, but I learned coping skills on how to manage them every day. Currently I am taking an atypical antipsychotic medication called aripiprazole and the antidepressant citalopram.
In 2006, I enrolled at South Suburban Community College and graduated with an Associates in Art in 2009. I transferred to Saint Xavier University that fall. I received my bachelors in Psychology and Studio Arts in May of 2012.
Since then, I have worked in the mental health field for the past 14 years. I started as a peer specialist for a drop-in center in Chicago before accepting a job at my current organization as a case manager.
Over the last 12 years I have worked as a Community Outreach and Education Trainer, I have become a certified instructor in WRAP (Wellness and Recovery Action Plans), Adult and Youth Mental Health First Aid, QPR Suicide Prevention, safeTALK and ASIST Suicide Prevention. I am also the Vice President of NAMI South Suburbs of Chicago.
At the age of 55 years old, I am fortunate that I am where I am today. I am grateful for my supportive psychiatrist who made this process much easier from the start. I am also grateful for my parents, family, and friends that have supported me through this journey.
